Fact-Checking Yale’s 50 Most Beautiful

Fact-Checking Yale's 50 Most Beautiful

It’s Thursday night, you’ve once again been sexed in by your roommate (walk-through doubles are baaad news), and you’ve got a good hour to kill. Here’s a project for you. Pour yourself a scotch and sink into the online archives of Rumpus, Yale’s inimitable tabloid, which we are completely derelict in not covering a lot more. Part trashy gossip, part genius prose, Rumpus lies at the intersection of two highways that don’t meet often enough. What they lack in substance, they make up for in complete disdain for anyone who considers substance a requirement for college journalism. Aleksey Vayner? They slammed him first, in like 2002. Dr. Susan Block? Same. We’re pretty sure it’s run by a group of self-absorbed fuck-ups, but what great publication isn’t? Rumpus‘s primary flaw is that it doesn’t publish often enough.

With that preamble, we feel comfortable piggybacking on their proudest (only?) tradition: Yale’s 50 Most Beautiful People [PDF], the 2007 edition of which is out now. Every year, Rumpus turns its already astonishing superficiality up a notch and dolls up a few dozen passable-to-smoking students for the noblest of purposes: to stoke Yale’s collective fantasy furnace. 

But last Friday, on the eve of our journey, while compiling our initial draft on this, we found ourselves in an unprecedented schism — at each other’s throats over blonde vs. brunette, decolletege vs. prim, bulging obliques vs lattimus dorsi. With intra-IvyGate strife threatening to rend the blog in twain, we tabled discussion. No hot-or-not civil war would divide and conquer us. Besides, as every Facebook airbrusher knows, the camera lies. We investigated, and these people are not worth the infighting. So we’re calling this issue of Rumpus out for the Photoshopped fiction that it is: it’s time to fact-check Yale’s alleged 50 Most Beautiful People.

Upon inspecting their Facebook photo records, the women acquitted themselves quite well. But to paraphrase Derek, the male models are really, really, ridiculously … ridiculous-looking. Rumpus has a cute tradition of always referring to Yale’s paper as the Yale Daily “News,” even abbreviating it YD”N.” Well, we’re starting our own little tradition here. After the jump, enjoy our fact-checking of Yale’s M”B”P …

Originals are the black and whites, new improved Facebook pics in color.

Fact-Checking Yale's 50 Most Beautiful 

Fact-Checking Yale's 50 Most Beautiful

Fact-Checking Yale's 50 Most Beautiful 

Fact-Checking Yale's 50 Most Beautiful

Fact-Checking Yale's 50 Most Beautiful 

Fact-Checking Yale's 50 Most Beautiful

Fact-Checking Yale's 50 Most Beautiful

  • KC

    If this is the best they have to offer of the male student body?Shoot me now please.Looking like you shoot up”and they prolly do”lol..isnt sexy.Then again maybe im just spoiled.lol

  • KC

    If this is the best they have to offer of the male student body?Shoot me now please.Looking like you shoot up”and they prolly do”lol..isnt sexy.Then again maybe im just spoiled.lol

  • h’alum

    Clearly, you gay bashing people are not aware of gay ‘bears’. Not that Yale has any I know of, but still.

  • h’alum

    Clearly, you gay bashing people are not aware of gay ‘bears’. Not that Yale has any I know of, but still.

  • get in context!

    “not aware of gay bears.” h’alum, did anyone say all gays were skinny, weak, pansies? nobody’s talking about bears because they’re not in this publication, obvi.

  • get in context!

    “not aware of gay bears.” h’alum, did anyone say all gays were skinny, weak, pansies? nobody’s talking about bears because they’re not in this publication, obvi.

  • cc09

    hay every1 look i’m criticizing 50 most
    i must take myself very seriously

  • cc09

    hay every1 look i’m criticizing 50 most
    i must take myself very seriously

  • Vivid Hugh

    Point of etiquette: Is it okay to call Yalies Yalies? Or does nobody who is anybody do that? What do Yalies call themselves? The photos provide plenty of data with which to ponder: Are Yale-schooled individuals superhuman or merely human? Sub we seriously doubt.

  • Vivid Hugh

    Point of etiquette: Is it okay to call Yalies Yalies? Or does nobody who is anybody do that? What do Yalies call themselves? The photos provide plenty of data with which to ponder: Are Yale-schooled individuals superhuman or merely human? Sub we seriously doubt.

  • AJ

    AJ will attend YALE 2014. He sleeps with the llamas.

  • AJ

    AJ will attend YALE 2014. He sleeps with the llamas.

  • Elmer

    Where are the broads?

  • Elmer

    Where are the broads?

  • aunt jemima

    wtf? why are we only making fun of the guys here? i’m sure the bitches were annoying as fuck on facebook too.

  • aunt jemima

    wtf? why are we only making fun of the guys here? i’m sure the bitches were annoying as fuck on facebook too.

  • Rumpus founder guy

    In the fall of 93, when we started with the BPs- Rumpus was a year old. Nothing like it existed- anywhere. We weren’t quite sure whether people would take it seriously. We were accused of causing eating disorders. The people we picked were essentially chosen at random- people who were good enough, but certainly not the best.

    We knew the concept made it when people put it on their freaking resumes and sent their “achievements” home to their local newspapers.

    Rumpus has always been about making controversy, not just reporting it. A first principle of the Rumpus brand of journalism.

  • Rumpus founder guy

    In the fall of 93, when we started with the BPs- Rumpus was a year old. Nothing like it existed- anywhere. We weren’t quite sure whether people would take it seriously. We were accused of causing eating disorders. The people we picked were essentially chosen at random- people who were good enough, but certainly not the best.

    We knew the concept made it when people put it on their freaking resumes and sent their “achievements” home to their local newspapers.

    Rumpus has always been about making controversy, not just reporting it. A first principle of the Rumpus brand of journalism.

  • Yalie 08

    Honestly, who doesn’t have at least a couple unflattering photographs of themselves? The people in this issue are good-looking in real life (especially by Yale standards…), and no one actually takes this issue THAT seriously…its just kind of a silly, funny thing that’s not worth hating on.

  • Yalie 08

    Honestly, who doesn’t have at least a couple unflattering photographs of themselves? The people in this issue are good-looking in real life (especially by Yale standards…), and no one actually takes this issue THAT seriously…its just kind of a silly, funny thing that’s not worth hating on.

  • AE

    Not worth hating on? Man, you must think you’re reading a book or something. Vehement and seemingly inexplicable hating is what the internet is *about*. Get with it.

    Anyway, that Michelle girl is smoking. Do you think she likes Anonymous Emailers who post at ivygate and tell shit like it be being? Compared to what else she’s got available?

  • AE

    Not worth hating on? Man, you must think you’re reading a book or something. Vehement and seemingly inexplicable hating is what the internet is *about*. Get with it.

    Anyway, that Michelle girl is smoking. Do you think she likes Anonymous Emailers who post at ivygate and tell shit like it be being? Compared to what else she’s got available?