BREAKING: Inconsiderate Ivy League Sex Epidemic Strikes Again
Battle stations, daily newspaper feature writers, battle stations!! Three examples makes a trend piece, and we've just received word of yet another complaint over too-public sex on an Ivy campus. First it was the Yale showers. Then, a Brown kitchen. Now some Dartmouthers have been called out for commandeering ... a toilet stall. Wrote a disgusted (sour grapes?) freshman girl:
Date: 27 Feb 2007 11:45:30 -0500
From: [redacted]
Subject: Important!
To: [28 freshmen]Dear Cohen Floor 2,
As psyched as I am that some of you are getting laid, the bathroom of 203 at 6:15 in the morning is not the time or the place... if you feel the need to do it in public, perhaps the common room would be more appropriate. This way, you won't disturb your floormates/suitemates or have them walk into the bathroom on you!
Great, fab, have a good day
xoxo
More background from our tipster:
The girl who sent out this email was woken up out of a cold sleep at 6:15 a.m. on Tuesday morning by some loud moaning. She assumed it was coming from another room down the hall, and decided to go to the bathroom (across the hall) only to discover another girl from our floor and an anonymous guy having a little fun in one of the toilet stalls (not the shower, a la Yale)...the kind of fun where you have both hands and both feet on the ground (as my floormate saw under the door). The reason we know that this was another girl from our floor: her Dartmouth ID was found on the floor of the stall later on that morning.
OK, we're slow-clapping here on that last part.
With three Ivies down, that means five have some homework to do! Now, make sure you have the assignment right: we're not looking for people having sex in public places. We're looking for people who have been scolded, preferably by people with tenure, for having sex in public places. So you can't just do it; you must do it very, very detectably. This is the beginning of something beautiful. Anyone have Jenny 8. Lee on speed dial?
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March 1st, 2007 at 12:09 pm
Your choice of pic for this post raises a question: If you fuck in front of a toilet with a motion sensor, are you apt to get sprayed by repeated flushings?
March 1st, 2007 at 12:53 pm
I love my floor. Cohen 2 ftw.
March 1st, 2007 at 1:36 pm
Two years ago the Daily Sun put out a list of 161 Things Every Cornellian must do, and having sex in the stacks of Uris/Olin Library was #1. I wonder if anyone’s ever been caught doing that..
March 1st, 2007 at 1:38 pm
Doesn’t the High-Rise window sex here at Penn last year count? That wasn’t just scolding. It was full-on prosecution, until the Judicial Inquiry Officer finally got laid.
March 1st, 2007 at 3:04 pm
Toilet sex is so cliche
March 1st, 2007 at 5:46 pm
I think it’s “Dartmothian.” Not “Dartmouther.”
March 1st, 2007 at 6:13 pm
Nobody probably fucks at cornell. Cornell is the worst place to be, so everyone’s way too depressed to have sex. They’d rather wack it.
March 1st, 2007 at 6:27 pm
I say, Dartmouth, well done! Make us proud!! (I can only assume that none of you have been caught in the Berry stacks yet, give it time.)
March 1st, 2007 at 10:44 pm
> Anyone have Jenny 8. Lee on speed dial?
I know several people here who do!
March 2nd, 2007 at 12:34 am
wait, can someone please explain the Jenny 8. Lee references? Wikipedia hasn’t caught on yet. thanks.
March 2nd, 2007 at 1:26 am
This type of thing never happened when I was at Dart Col. Except for CT and Sue Crandall, but that doesn’t count
March 2nd, 2007 at 3:25 am
the same girl got banned from a frat after telling h-po she “felt pressure to play pong there” and got is getting in trouble after getting caught with a 6 armed beer bong. not a good week.
March 2nd, 2007 at 3:25 am
the same girl got banned from a frat after telling h-po she “felt pressure to play pong there” and got is getting in trouble after getting caught with a 6 armed beer bong. not a good week.
March 2nd, 2007 at 3:25 am
the same girl got banned from a frat after telling h-po she “felt pressure to play pong there” and got is getting in trouble after getting caught with a 6 armed beer bong. not a good week.
March 2nd, 2007 at 8:44 am
back in my day no one was more brazen than denatchkis and motro balls deep in the boiler room of the legendary BTP
March 2nd, 2007 at 12:26 pm
who can forget the freshmen hookers polishing stormy’s knob in the beta coat closet to get in the parties or da barber ATMing a dummy in suger hill next to the deez nutz punch