Must suck to live in a soap opera. Every episode it’s a new ordeal: Your old boyfriend dies of AIDS, your new boyfriend is in with the mob, your father fakes his death and vanishes for 15 years, your mother miscarries after an elevator crash, and to top it off you get taken hostage and shot in the stomach. But none of these tragedies come close to the horror of … gosh, it’s hard to even say it … the unparallelled heartbreak of getting into Yale.
We stumbled across this 1995 clip from General Hospital, in which Robin Scorpio — who later loses her virginity, tests positive for HIV, and experiences all the terrible things listed above — gets a “big fat envelope from Yale.” Her reaction: utter dismay. See, she doesn’t want to be far from her boyfriend, Stone, not for all the Whiffenpoofs in the world. Most girls with similar situations in the real world deal with this by trying to keep up a long-distance thing (racking up $140 Cingular bills and listening to a lot of Lifehouse, before the inevitable “love you too much to do this” breakup and ensuing hookup spree). The GH screenwriters solve the dilemma just by, uh, killing him off.