Kitchen Sex Is the New Shower Sex

by Nick Summers | February 16, 2007 at 10:35 am

Kitchen Sex Is the New Shower Sex

Ivy Leaguers: Is there anywhere they won't have sex?

Students at Brown, unimpressed by the rigid conventions of Yalies' recent fondness for romps in the hall showers, have taken the exhibitionist tack to creative new locations: the kitchens of freshman dorm Perkins. We've said it before and we'll say it again: this is what happens when you let kids design their own curricula.

Here's the stern email from a beleaguered grad student in (bless you, Brown) ethnomusicology. It doesn't explicitly mention sex, but our tipster notes that an RA would be unlikely to encourage smoking pot in "your room with the door shut, at the discretion of your roommate" -- plus, that second helpful link goes to Brown's page on healthy relationships, preventing STDs (tip: avoid sinks), etc.

Can't wait to see where exasperated academics scold students for having semipublic sex next!

From: First-year Residential Unit XX List
Sent: Thu 2/15/2007 4:05 PM
To: [redacted]
Subject: Perkins wide memo

Dear Perkinsonians,
I have been made aware that there has been some activity taking place in Perkins' kitchens that is inappropriate for public spaces. Not only does this negatively affect the comfort of our community, but it is also a hygiene and safety concern.  An appropriate place for certain activities would be your room with the door shut, at the discretion of your roommate.  Those who disrespect the community and the public spaces within it will be brought to the attention of administration.

For those with questions or concerns regarding health and safety issues, please refer to the Health Services and Health Education websites, links are below.  The Health Education site offers some good advice on a wide array of topics.

Health Services http://www.brown.edu/Student_Services/Health_Services/index.htm
Health Education http://www.brown.edu/Student_Services/Health_Services/Health_Education/

Best,

[redacted]
Graduate Student, Ethnomusicology
Community Director, Perkins 22
Brown University

UPDATE: Greatest IvyGate development ever: The girl in the kitchen writes in with her side of the story.

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17 Responses to “Kitchen Sex Is the New Shower Sex”

  1. ghost_dog Says:
    February 16th, 2007 at 1:25 pm

    next step: refridgerator sex!

  2. og_mac Says:
    February 16th, 2007 at 1:47 pm

    i’ve heard of people having sex on bench tops in labs before. you walk in to do some work on the weekend or at night and find your labmate pounding, or getting pounded, next to your bench.
    what’s the big deal? sex in the shower, sex in the kitchen. it’s exciting. brings some heat into the relationship.

  3. Brownie Says:
    February 16th, 2007 at 2:10 pm

    What does having sex in public places have to do w/designing your own curriculum? Yalies have requirements and they do the same thing.

  4. but still... Says:
    February 16th, 2007 at 2:24 pm

    Ethnomusicology? hahaha…

  5. railedinthekitchen Says:
    February 16th, 2007 at 3:03 pm

    hahahahahhahahahahahahah that article is about me.

  6. winky Says:
    February 16th, 2007 at 3:35 pm

    The steamy kitchen episode was captured on video by an amateur porn enthusiast and included in this video:
    http://www.gamelink.com/display_product.jhtml?id=130206&ref=gram

  7. friendofrailedinthekitchen Says:
    February 16th, 2007 at 5:32 pm

    hahahahaha. i am sitting next to railedinthekitchen as i type this and I LOVE IT!!! well done. to think i was sleeping only feet away as this happened.

  8. IvyGate Says:
    February 16th, 2007 at 5:46 pm

    This is everything I have ever wanted IvyGate to be.

  9. roogan Says:
    February 16th, 2007 at 7:11 pm

    The best spaces on campus for sex are not in Perkins – in the stacks of the SciLi (Sciences Library) and on Main Green on top of the statues. Maybe the mail room in Faunce, too. But the kitchens of Perkins are a good call, given the fact that it is a total shithole.

  10. familypride Says:
    February 16th, 2007 at 8:55 pm

    that would be my sister who fucks in the perkins kitchens on a weekly basis. she’s got a proud sissy in upstate new york.

  11. Wahwahba Says:
    February 16th, 2007 at 9:07 pm

    “let kids design their own curricula”

    ha ha , that was a funny line.

  12. CC08 Says:
    February 17th, 2007 at 1:42 am

    HAHA Go Brown. It’s moments like these I think I should have applied there.

  13. triple c Says:
    February 17th, 2007 at 1:40 pm

    this girl is fucking disgusting. and shes proud of it too.

  14. b '08 Says:
    February 18th, 2007 at 5:10 pm

    pffsh…my freshman year i knew kids that would bone in the study lounge…which one is for me know and you to find out.

  15. a brown alum Says:
    February 18th, 2007 at 6:00 pm

    this is so indicative of the student body: that we would have one student game for sex in the communal (and disgusting) kitchen, and another one writing a friendly “park elsewhere” open letter to the community.

  16. yamalye Says:
    February 26th, 2007 at 4:24 pm

    yale is for sluts and columbia is for fairies

  17. prince '84 Says:
    May 28th, 2007 at 8:00 am

    Ah, the result of continuingly increasing coeds on campus. There simply weren’t enough women at Princeton when I was there for this to happen.