Maybe Your Love Life Isn’t That Bad After All
Maybe it's wrong to think that relationships among coddled Ivy Leaguers are more dysfunctional than most. But this story certainly doesn't kill the myth.
In this week's "Modern Love" column in the Times (the people who brought you the execrable, crowd-pleasing Shamu story), Ashley Cross recounts how she dated a Harvard guy who had been convicted of rape. It's a well-done piece -- honest, restrained, poignant. Which of course makes us wonder, 1) who is this Ashley Cross person and 2) will she date us despite our checkered past? Answering the second depends on figuring out the first. According to the Times bio, Cross "attends Columbia" -- a phrase as pliant and abused as "is a writer." A cursory search of the Columbia directory and Facebook yields nothing. (We sincerely hope this under construction vanity site isn't hers.) Will the real Ashley Cross please stand up, then send digits?
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January 16th, 2007 at 3:09 pm
Ugh, dudes. That piece was appalling. For example, her description of the rape incident was totally off-base–Pandagon has a great entry on it with links to Harvard Crimson stories written at the time, although unfortunately right now they’re down under a spam attack so I can’t link to it. But Cross majorly downplayed the severity of what the guy did (to be fair, it’s unclear whether he told her a misleading story, but she DOES say she read everything she could get her hands on, which would presumably include the Crimson stories as well as public records from the court case). And even more troubling, while her account does indicate the guy was taking the consequences seriously, she seems to regard his introspection as getting in the way of their sex life. Should you actually find her, do let us know–I’d like to kick her on behalf of humankind.
January 16th, 2007 at 5:53 pm
And by “poignant” you mean “infinitely creepy,” right? She’s an Ivy acceptance letter away from every pathetic talk-show case convincing herself that her convict’s the only one who didn’t do what he’s in for and that ten to twenty’s not that long to wait for true love. Her attitude toward loverboy’s victim is basically “ho was asking for it.” Nuanced, indeed. You guys should cover the fact that Harvard will expel kids for plagiarism (academic, not commercial) but not for rape, and leave this pathetic and scary woman to languish in her denial.
January 16th, 2007 at 9:13 pm
Right on, Turtle and Kate. That story gave me the willies, especially now that I’ve read the real story of what Cross’s boyfriend did. By the way, the Pendagon post is http://pandagon.net/2007/01/15/hating-on-a-rape-victim-for-throwing-cold-water-on-your-love-life and the Crimson article is http://www.thecrimson.com/article.aspx?ref=96028.
January 16th, 2007 at 11:04 pm
Also, I wouldn’t worry about the site you link to being hers…since it says on the about page:
“This site is edited by Ashley Cross based on his own designs. The layout, style and graphics were created specifically for this site.”
So THAT ashely cross is a dude…unless…TWIST ENDING!
January 16th, 2007 at 11:17 pm
The Times previously covered this story this way:
“Harvard Expels Student for Sexual Assault
Harvard College faculty, in case that has touched off campuswide debate over whether date rape was being taken seriously enough, vote to dismiss student D Drew Douglas, who admitted to sexually assaulting classmate; March 10, 1999 Education News”
Maybe the Fashion & Style section editors need to reread their own fracking paper…
January 17th, 2007 at 8:58 am
Wow, are you guys getting all serious all of a sudden? First the NOLA story, then this one? (Not that they’re not good.)
January 17th, 2007 at 10:56 pm
I thought it was a great piece and was not offended by it.
She clearly believed his version of the events over that of the victim– a conclusion which may have been reasonable. I personally have not seen the court documents from which the Crimson had concluded that there were no doubts about the event of the night, and perhaps a conclusion different from the Crimson’s would have been reasonable. It’s also possible she spoke to other people whose opinions are not reflected in the court documents.
Lastly, the fact that her boyfriend pled guilty and and in his plea allocution admitted to certain facts, does not mean that he was telling the truth when he made his allocution. Maybe he didn’t want to go through with trial.
I’m not saying he wasn’t guilty, but I don’t think there was anything misleading about her piece. We can’t come to conclusions about what happened that night based on a google search.
January 18th, 2007 at 3:33 pm
So let’s review….girl claims guy raped her. Guy admits to it, in court, and accepts punishment. But “we can’t come to conclusions?” What do you want, a videotape? Jesus.
January 19th, 2007 at 10:24 pm
Gosh, I don’t know. A copy of the letter. Hospital records relating to the rape kit. Her statement. His statement. An opportunity to assess the credibility of the witnesses. You know, stuff juries rely on all the time in order to decide whether someone is guilty beyond a reasonable doubt.
January 20th, 2007 at 12:45 pm
Ah, yes, AE, because we all run our lives like we’re on a jury, demanding to see original documents, see witnesses examined before us, seeing hospital records. Do you always refuse to make judgments based on reporting? Can you not come to conclusions about whether we’re in Iraq because you haven’t seen it? If a friend reports he was sick the previous week, do you demand to see hospital records? Or is it only in cases of rape that you don’t believe newspapers? Is it only when a woman says a man sexually assaulted her that you can’t believe her?
March 4th, 2007 at 11:36 am
No, that’s not her web site – it’s mine, and I’m a guy! Leave me out of it. Fascinating and disturbing story though.