Cornell Hockey Fans: Winners, All

Cornell Hockey Fans: Winners, All

After last week’s plea for Cornell-related news — anything whatsoever — yielded so-so results, we decided to check the place out for ourselves. Our findings, below …

ITHACA, N.Y. — We managed to finagle tickets to this weekend’s epic Cornell-Harvard hockey Game — Harvard-Yale football, your uppercase G is now officially revoked. Consult the reliable sources to find out what happened on the ice. But the night’s best performances took place in the stands.

Cornell won, but not because they outplayed Harvard (at least not exclusively). We credit Cornell’s cruel, incessant, devastatingly well-choreographed taunts, custom-made to tweak Harvard’s collective nipple over and over until it’s raw and bleeding before yanking its underwear up over its head and kicking it down the stairs.

In Cornell’s hands, heckling becomes a mass art form. You can’t understand school spirit until you’ve seen thousands of students wag their fingers in unison at the opposing goalie after Cornell scores a point, chanting, “It’s all your fault! It’s all your fault!” Then, just as the goalie is about to return to his defensive stance, the crowd destroys his last shred of dignity by exhorting him, in unison, to bend over. And he does.

Other cheers we respect:

  • “We’re gonna beat the hell out of you!”
  • “Fuck em up, fuck em up, go Cornell!”
  • “The ref beats his wife! The ref beats his wife!”
  • One rowdy, pre-pubescent Harvard weenie: “Hey Cornell, eat my shorts!”

27 Responses to “Cornell Hockey Fans: Winners, All”

  1. BigRed08 Says:

    My favorite when we play Harvard is “Grade InFLAtion! *clap clap – clap clap clap*”
    I also enjoy “Saaaafety schoooool”

    I also enjoy when we win.

  2. BigRed08 Says:

    My favorite when we play Harvard is “Grade InFLAtion! *clap clap – clap clap clap*”
    I also enjoy “Saaaafety schoooool”

    I also enjoy when we win.

  3. ALP Says:

    It’s actually “Fuck ’em up, fuck ’em up, go CU.” Another good one is “A rope, a tree, to hang the referee.”

  4. ALP Says:

    It’s actually “Fuck ’em up, fuck ’em up, go CU.” Another good one is “A rope, a tree, to hang the referee.”

  5. Adam Says:

    That’s “Fuck ’em up, fuck ’em up, go CU.”

    You may notice that “beat the hell out of you” rhymes with “CU,” not “Cornell.” If you want to make sure you get your cheers right, check http://www.elynah.com.

    LET’S GO RED!

  6. Adam Says:

    That’s “Fuck ’em up, fuck ’em up, go CU.”

    You may notice that “beat the hell out of you” rhymes with “CU,” not “Cornell.” If you want to make sure you get your cheers right, check http://www.elynah.com.

    LET’S GO RED!

  7. John Says:

    And in other news, Schafer is still Gaudet’s bitch.

  8. John Says:

    And in other news, Schafer is still Gaudet’s bitch.

  9. Alum Says:

    Which team is the winning team?
    (Winning team.)
    Which team is the losing team?
    (Losing team.)

    Go start the bus.

  10. Alum Says:

    Which team is the winning team?
    (Winning team.)
    Which team is the losing team?
    (Losing team.)

    Go start the bus.

  11. Rootbeer '99 Says:

    For Hahvahd, of course, the taunt is “GO STAHT THE CAH”.

    And in other other news, Schafer is still the one beer to have when you’re having more than one.

  12. Rootbeer '99 Says:

    For Hahvahd, of course, the taunt is “GO STAHT THE CAH”.

    And in other other news, Schafer is still the one beer to have when you’re having more than one.

  13. Nigel Watt Says:

    Yeah, seriously, it’s “Fuck ’em up, fuck ’em up, go CU.” Were y’all so devastated you didn’t bother to hear the last part?

  14. Nigel Watt Says:

    Yeah, seriously, it’s “Fuck ’em up, fuck ’em up, go CU.” Were y’all so devastated you didn’t bother to hear the last part?

  15. harvard kid Says:

    Actually Harvard also says “It’s your fault” to opposing goalies when we score….

    And, I’m not sure why BigRed08 likes the cheer “Saaafety Schoool” because I’m pretty sure that doesn’t work for them and always works for us.

    Ooooh…the truth hurts.

  16. harvard kid Says:

    Actually Harvard also says “It’s your fault” to opposing goalies when we score….

    And, I’m not sure why BigRed08 likes the cheer “Saaafety Schoool” because I’m pretty sure that doesn’t work for them and always works for us.

    Ooooh…the truth hurts.

  17. Nigel Watt Says:

    We’re talking about how safe y’all are once you get in. Cornell: Easiest Ivy to get into, hardest to stay in.

  18. Nigel Watt Says:

    We’re talking about how safe y’all are once you get in. Cornell: Easiest Ivy to get into, hardest to stay in.

  19. CU Says:

    harvard kid –

    to bad harvard has the reputation of having more cornell fans at the hockey games. way to be a winner here!

  20. CU Says:

    harvard kid –

    to bad harvard has the reputation of having more cornell fans at the hockey games. way to be a winner here!

  21. BigRed08 Says:

    Hey harvard kid –

    Too bad you lost.

    Love, Cornell

  22. BigRed08 Says:

    Hey harvard kid –

    Too bad you lost.

    Love, Cornell

  23. Brown U Says:

    who the hell cares about hockey? In the game of life, Cornell loses everytime. Ouch.

  24. Brown U Says:

    who the hell cares about hockey? In the game of life, Cornell loses everytime. Ouch.

  25. gategirl Says:

    Cornell classy as always

  26. gategirl Says:

    Cornell classy as always

  27. Hockey Edward Says:

    Cornell always had a good hockey team.

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