Academia Erotica Formulaica

“Congratulations, you have a sex column! Here’s a number where you can commission a photographer and web designer, and here’s a thesaurus for the male genitalia. You can start making eye contact with your father again in four to six years!”

When you sign up to be a sex columnist, is there one centralized madam who hands out a one-size-fits-all publicity kit? We just came across the web site of one Jessica Gold Haralson, Penn’s resident “sex-positive feminist” and “intellectual pervert” (okay, we kinda like that), and it’s a clone of almost every other Carrie Bradshaw wannabe’s. Below, compare pale Haralson to embattled Datskovsky and their esteemed colleague, the Washingtonienne:

Academia Erotica Formulaica 

Yes, that actually does read “Ivy League-r. Out of yours.”

 Academia Erotica Formulaica

Subtle:

Academia Erotica Formulaica

What do you think, should we redesign our site too?

  • a fan

    Miriam is gorgeous, as that striking-yet-subtle photo makes clear. By the way, you’d need a “vanity site” too if NPR, New York Magazine, The New York Daily News, etc. were constantly Googling your name to get your digits.

    –A biased Columbian

  • a fan

    Miriam is gorgeous, as that striking-yet-subtle photo makes clear. By the way, you’d need a “vanity site” too if NPR, New York Magazine, The New York Daily News, etc. were constantly Googling your name to get your digits.

    –A biased Columbian

  • –An unbiased Colombian

    Oh man! I have no idea where this is going. You guys are craaaazy!

  • –An unbiased Colombian

    Oh man! I have no idea where this is going. You guys are craaaazy!

  • B.B.

    “Miriam is gorgeous”

    Who are you people? Miriam is what an uglier, older Kim Catrall might have been if she had been raised by Oompa Loompas and photographed by American Apparel’s nepotistically hired summer intern. Shave your fucking armpits.

    Why do these sex columnists have to be so incredibly un-sexy?

  • B.B.

    “Miriam is gorgeous”

    Who are you people? Miriam is what an uglier, older Kim Catrall might have been if she had been raised by Oompa Loompas and photographed by American Apparel’s nepotistically hired summer intern. Shave your fucking armpits.

    Why do these sex columnists have to be so incredibly un-sexy?

  • William Wonka

    Mmmm, Oompa Loompas.

  • William Wonka

    Mmmm, Oompa Loompas.

  • Sam Jackson

    I keep saying you lot could use a digital facelift, and it keeps being true.

  • Sam Jackson

    I keep saying you lot could use a digital facelift, and it keeps being true.

  • daniel goldstein

    I’m curious as to why you don’t mention lena’s website… she’s definitely guilty of posting images of herself in various states of undress. It’s one thing to write about sex, it’s another to have your website up simply to fish for compliments about your breasts.

    Or do you not talk about sexandtheivy because you guys are *friends*, and god forbid you let your “hard-hitting” reporting cross the lines of personal, no strike that, internet relationships.

  • daniel goldstein

    I’m curious as to why you don’t mention lena’s website… she’s definitely guilty of posting images of herself in various states of undress. It’s one thing to write about sex, it’s another to have your website up simply to fish for compliments about your breasts.

    Or do you not talk about sexandtheivy because you guys are *friends*, and god forbid you let your “hard-hitting” reporting cross the lines of personal, no strike that, internet relationships.

  • IvyGate

    Hey Daniel, good question. Lena was in a draft, but we left her out just because the top image at her site wasn’t quite similar enough to these. (Plus, we’re much better friends with M.D. than L.C., although she’s nice too. J.G.H. we haven’t met yet.)

  • IvyGate

    Hey Daniel, good question. Lena was in a draft, but we left her out just because the top image at her site wasn’t quite similar enough to these. (Plus, we’re much better friends with M.D. than L.C., although she’s nice too. J.G.H. we haven’t met yet.)

  • They all fine

    so… is some poor sex columnist at Cornell being left to wallow in obscurity?

  • They all fine

    so… is some poor sex columnist at Cornell being left to wallow in obscurity?

  • the side winder sleeps tonight

    you’re totally missing the main point of any of these blogs — they’re PERSONAL sites. and on those kinds of sites, it usually includes a photograph to like, you know, tell the readers who they are. so if that’s solipsistic or whatevs, well, then the only thing you’ve managed to do is meet your post quota for the day. at least cutler & haralson class up their header images, unlike datskovsky, whose photo looks like a rejected “myspace slut of the month”.

  • the side winder sleeps tonight

    you’re totally missing the main point of any of these blogs — they’re PERSONAL sites. and on those kinds of sites, it usually includes a photograph to like, you know, tell the readers who they are. so if that’s solipsistic or whatevs, well, then the only thing you’ve managed to do is meet your post quota for the day. at least cutler & haralson class up their header images, unlike datskovsky, whose photo looks like a rejected “myspace slut of the month”.

  • alex

    Check out ivygateblog.com. Its identicle to thousands of other layouts that use the three colubm CSS ‘holy grail’ layout. Their sites dont really resemble each other anyway. And in answer to your question, if you think they should redesign their sites then yours needs a redesign. Bad. Real bad. I woudldnt do it though because its fine how it is, it just happens to resemble a lot of sites. Who cares? All we care about is the content, as long as its readable

  • alex

    Check out ivygateblog.com. Its identicle to thousands of other layouts that use the three colubm CSS ‘holy grail’ layout. Their sites dont really resemble each other anyway. And in answer to your question, if you think they should redesign their sites then yours needs a redesign. Bad. Real bad. I woudldnt do it though because its fine how it is, it just happens to resemble a lot of sites. Who cares? All we care about is the content, as long as its readable

  • if this is what the ivy girls

    sign me up for the big ten. *gag* nobody wants to read sex blogs from fuglies.

  • if this is what the ivy girls look like…

    sign me up for the big ten. *gag* nobody wants to read sex blogs from fuglies.

  • Former ex-Dartmouth Don, now B

    These hos are NOT gorgeous. Gorgeous women do not have time to blog. The story you dudes need to chase down the worm hole is Ivy Prostitution… more than you know.

  • Former ex-Dartmouth Don, now Biased Yalie

    These hos are NOT gorgeous. Gorgeous women do not have time to blog. The story you dudes need to chase down the worm hole is Ivy Prostitution… more than you know.

  • Gorgeous

    Of course we have time to blog! We have rich boyfriends paying our bills for us.

  • Gorgeous

    Of course we have time to blog! We have rich boyfriends paying our bills for us.

  • I’m trying to resist being eve

    I think that college sex columnists can seem surprisingly nice and humble because we’re expecting clueless, walking grandiose delusions, which they’d have to be at least half the time in order to take themselves so seriously in such an obnoxious, oversaturated field.

    I know one of the columnists above, though not very well – and more importantly, I know her exasperated friends – so I have a feeling that the ad hominem attacks might stem from a connection between personality and absurd writing. I’ve also read enough Miriam and J.G.H. to not be sure who I’d dislike more over cocktails.

  • I’m trying to resist being even cattier

    I think that college sex columnists can seem surprisingly nice and humble because we’re expecting clueless, walking grandiose delusions, which they’d have to be at least half the time in order to take themselves so seriously in such an obnoxious, oversaturated field.

    I know one of the columnists above, though not very well – and more importantly, I know her exasperated friends – so I have a feeling that the ad hominem attacks might stem from a connection between personality and absurd writing. I’ve also read enough Miriam and J.G.H. to not be sure who I’d dislike more over cocktails.

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