We love getting covered as much as the next blog. And we recognize that the occasional quote gets bungled in its journey from lip to page (especially when it has to bypass this copy desk). But when we opened up today’s Brown Daily Herald and saw this disastrous attribution, we couldn’t keep silent:

“The Ivy League has come to mean the path of the future leaders of tomorrow,” a co-creator and editor of Ivygateblog.com, who wished to remain anonymous, recently told The Herald.

Wha!? That’s not even a … well, it’s a sentence, but it’s … disabled! The quote — and we know because we say it a lot — is that the Ivies represent “the past that the leaders of tomorrow would rather forget.” (Exhibit A.) Jonathan Sidhu, thanks for the kind words. But at this juncture, we have no choice but to call for your resignation.

Another clarification. The last paragraph says:

“IvyGate editors told The Herald they recently received an uncorroborated, but particularly scandalous tip, about experimental drug use on Brown’s campus. ‘It turned out the tip could never be sourced, but we had a great headline for it – “look what happened when you let kids design their own (curriculum).” ‘ “

All true, but the best part is missing. The erroneous tip we received — and God, you don’t know how much we wanted to print this — is that Brown kids have been taking drugs anally, via suppositories. We’re pretty sure this isn’t true. But we desperately want it to be. So please, if you’re reading this, find us some kids who take their ecstasy via butt. Or barring that, do it yourself! (We’re looking at you, Sidhu.)

Or, for a more distilled take, check out this New York Sun exclusive.