You want your first time to be memorable, and damn, Yale Herald, we’re not going to be able to forget this if we try. Our first negative review is in, and holy God, does Cally Fiedorek tear us a new one:

In its attempt to dismantle the Ivy monolith, the blog identifies each individual school with a sort of Lamarckian sameness, rarely looking to the world outside to qualify its scathing distinctions between Brown-educated dilettante and Princetonian master of the universe. It is essentially one extended “How many [insert name of Ivy League school here] students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?” joke, serving up all the usual banalities of feigned self-deprecation.

As pans go, Fiedoreck’s is a tour de force. Well written, carefully organized and irrefutably argued, it’s the kind of slap that doesn’t just sting — it makes everyone in the bar turn to look at you as the slapper makes a great exit. Oh, and ice water gets dumped in your lap, too.

It gears itself towards the anecdotal fluff that just happens to fall upon illustrious grounds-but its root in any clearly delineated or easily mockable Ivy ideology is too tenuous to be effective or even humorous.

Ouch! Okay, that one cut a little close to the bone. But it’s fine, we’re big boys, we can take i–

In attempting to differentiate the privileged mass through petty caricature, mostly founded not on knowledge so much as on the nebulous workings of stereotype, the site forgets its own unimportance.

Jesus, we get it already! Cut it out, Cally, for the love of–

In refusing to apply these facile stereotypes to themselves IvyGate bloggers signal either a certain self-awareness, or a hypocrisy far more worthy of ridicule than anything found on their webpage.

Alright, we’re ready, can someone please kick out the ladder?