Dartmouth’s 1.8 Percent Doctrine

A Dartmouth tipster writes in with news from Hanover...

Not two weeks ago, Dartmouth sorority Kappa Kappa Gamma was put on "extended probation" -- and 11 of its members arrested -- after it was discovered that becoming a sister at the vaunted house entailed participating in an initiation process that can only be described as "blackout rollerskating." (The official response from Kappa prez Whitney Dickerson '07: "Kappa Kappa Gamma opposes inappropriate or illegal use of alcohol by its members." Ms. Dickerson is evidently fine with inappropriate use of alcohol so long as imbibers are fastened to little plastic wheelies.)

Last weekend -- Homecom-ing! -- 15 additional Big Greeners were arrested on charges ranging from public intoxication to trespassing.* The number doesn't even take into account the additional 46 "incidents" reported to campus Safety and Security. If you do the math, this means that in the past fortnight, almost two percent of the student body been busted for running afoul of some town law or campus ordinance. Well done, young men and women of Dartmouth! Don't let asshole alums come up and tell you that "no one rages here anymore," as asshole alums are wont to do.

*A brief aside on trespassing: It was, until 1986, standard practice for members of the freshman class to form a boozy human wave and "rush the field" during the Homecoming football game. In that fateful year, a few innocent bystanders -- one of whom may or may not have been in a wheelchair -- happened to get trampled, and the fun-killers who populate the upper ranks of the school's administration put the kibosh on the whole thing by threatening to slap any scramblers with a trespassing charge. Old traditions die hard at Dartmouth, and now drunk upperclassmen simply hurl invectives at drunk freshman to take matters into their own hands. Sometimes they do:

6 Responses to “Dartmouth’s 1.8 Percent Doctrine”

  1. columbia07 Says:

    blackout roller skating sounds like the most fun i have never had. i want to be in kappa at dartmouth.

  2. FF '04 Says:

    Nobody rages anymore. Your numbers simply indicate that 98% of you were law abiding, soberish, citizens. Back in my day it was different. Touch the damn fire, rush the field, and scalp’em.

  3. Marc Says:

    Has anybody seen any footage of the Dartmouth-Holy Cross brawl between the football players after the game? I’m dying to see it.

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