Can someone please get this man a sitcom?

Clearly, Aleksey Vayner deserves it. In the four days since we (cough exclusively! cough) posted the video the Yale senior commissioned of himself and attached to some i-banking applications, dozens of people have shared their Aleksey stories with us. And more often than not, they’re stories he told them — which is why we don’t feel bad about all the attention we’re heaping on this fabulist. (Fake business, fake charity, fake book — sympathy kinda evaporates, don’t it?)

All day long, the tips kept getting better. We can only share a few here — but we suspect this spring will never run dry.

• The writing sample Aleksey attached to his i-bank applications appears to be at least partially plagiarized from this source (which, weirdly, he quotes earlier in the piece). Search on “hidden beta exposure” in both articles.
• A member of the Yale tennis team wrote in to dispute Aleksey’s claim that he competed on the Satellite tour: “I played for Yale tennis, and he tried to walk on the team. He got cut the second day. I had one conversation with him, and he claimed to have KILLED 24 people in the caves of Tibet.”

  (Other great comments: “I too played for Yale tennis, and Vayner/Garber claimed that he has trouble flying on planes because he has to register his hands as lethal weapons each time he goes to an airport.”  And: “The giveaway on the investment firm was that he said his firm specialized in “risk-aDverse” strategies. The other giveaway was that he’s fucking crazy.”)

• We decided to not be too scared of the cease and desist letter Aleksey emailed us, given that he copied and pasted it from the first Google hit for “cease and desist letter,” right down to the “very truly yours” signoff. Attorney Ron706@aol.com, Esq., really earned his fee there.
• At Yale, Aleksey has offered to treat sports injuries using various “Eastern” therapy methods, including massage and acupuncture. Before “treating” a “patient,” he sent them this letter. You simply have to read it in full. Somewhere in there he claims that his brother is “head of pediatrics at Columbian Presbyterian hospital in NYC.” A search on the Columbia Presbyterian Physician Network turns up no one with the last name “Garber” or “Vayner.” But our favorite part is this line: “I am not certified in any Western sense of the word, neither in Chinese medicine, Tui-Na, Shaolin trauma medicine, nor in acupuncture, all of which I practice extensively never-the-less.”
• And, um, not quite so humorously, the SEC and dean of Yale College have been notified of Aleksey’s transgressions.

God, what theater. You cannot make this shit up. Unless, y’know, you’re Aleksey.

Bonus: The Yale Daily News joins the fracas. Money line: “Among the claims [a dance teammate] said she has heard is one that Vayner is one of four people in the state of Connecticut qualified to handle nuclear waste.“