The Toad’s Not Taken: An Elegy
Exploring the IvyGate inbox is always an adventure -- some days more than others. Here's a specimen from our most recent foray. When the news hit that Toad's, Yale's guilty-pleasure dive bar, was opening up new branches in Richmond and Trenton, one student reacted the only way she knew how: in verse.
Two Toad's emerged in two college 'hoods.
We're sorry: we can't get crunk in both.
Faux-townie teetotalers, once straight-A good
We signed affidavits as best we could
'Neath New Haven po-po and elm undergrowth.
New Toad's Richmond, not half as fair,
Is hardly less cliched and lame
Because it has less wear and tear.
Though as for passing Saturdays there,
Could whoring sans Yorkside taint us the same?
For both will have vodka breath post-lay,
Tube tops tight as snatch pre-Q-Pac ...
Oh, we saved that story for our best Yale gay!
Yet knowing Toad's is better on Wednesday,
Trenton's weekends won't bring sexy (house remix) back.
We shall one day tell this with a sigh
Somewhere at federal elections hence:
Two Toad's diverged twain Mason and Dixon... Aye,
We claim the one first shitfaced by,
And that has made all the difference.
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