Why Johnny Can’t Cook

by Nick Summers | August 21, 2006 at 8:01 pm

Why Johnny Can't CookCompute the eight corresponding Eigenvectors in n-space? No problem. Decontextualize Baudrillard's main thesis of radical semiurgy? Piece of cake. Create an actual piece of cake? You know, like chocolate? Ridiculously difficult.

"The only recipe I have the patience to follow is on the back of a Styrofoam cup of noodles: pour hot water, stir, enjoy. Pretty pathetic for a senior at Yale," says Adriane Quinlan, writing about a Washington, D.C. kitchen boot camp in yesterday's Post. Fellow culinary moron Ben Schneider, a junior at Penn, "is a chicken lover who has never actually stared its flesh in the face. He pokes it curiously, as if it could somehow be resuscitated, coddled back to life."

We've long said that the cure for thinking highly of the Ivy League is attending one of its schools. But this -- wait for it! -- takes the cake. [Ed.: Rimshot! We'll be here all week, folks. Tip your waitresses.]

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