Breaking: Rich Guy Who Graduated From Harvard 15 Minutes Ago Buys Newspaper

by Nick Summers | July 31, 2006 at 9:10 am

Breaking: Rich Guy Who Graduated From Harvard 15 Minutes Ago Buys NewspaperYou know why everyone hates Harvard kids? Because they buy entire newspapers at 25 with trust fund money, the sick, too-handsome, pluto-chieving pricks!

Sorry, that’s not being entirely fair to Jared Kushner, Harvard ‘03, new majority owner of the New York Observer. According to the Times,

“Mr. Kushner said that the money he was investing was his own, earned while he was an undergraduate at Harvard. In between cramming for finals, he bought and sold nine residential buildings in Cambridge, Mass., with backing from a number of investors, including family members.”

Emphasis ours, clearly. During finals? Holy shit, the best thing we ever did during exam week was beat Super Mario World on a sweet emulator for the Mac. Getting really good on Text Twist is probably runner-up. [Ed.: Actually, half of us got a BJ in the stacks the night after finally turning in the last term paper of the semester, which was totally aweso--FUCK! We don't own a Manhattan newspaper!]

Sorry, back to our seething Kushner jealousy. We wish you the best, pal. The Observer is a terrific rag, and you seem to know what you don’t know. Keep an eye out for our resume come hiring time, you precocious publishing-magnate-in-diapers handjob, you.

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