We Want You

As the school year starts up and our vacation is over, we’re gearing back up for yet another year of college. But every archetypal old guy still living in the frat house needs new recruits to initiate, and that’s where we’re looking at you, kid.

We’re looking for smart writers and editors to join the crew and embarrass celebrate their classmates and professors. You don’t need a crammed resume and scores of serious clips, you just need enthusiasm and willingness to dig into the lives of those across these eight unsightly campuses. IvyGate is an open group of nosy quacks, and you will have the opportunity to experiment with ‘journalism’ and pissing people off. We offer test drives and guidance for all levels of experience. You’ll also have the opportunity to interact with the IvyGate alums who have somehow emerged successful from these storied halls.

If you are interested in writing, editing, photographing, and/or socializing online or IRL, hit us up at ivygate@gmail.com. If you’re not interested in any of that but have a story you think we’d like, embed this in your brain: tips@ivygateblog.com.

Happy first ~week of school. Don’t lose those fucking syllabi.

Live from Ivy

Thanks to an anonymous tipster, here’s a video seemingly from last year’s Titanic theme party at Ivy, the Princeton eating club. One of their many theme parties throughout the year, this one involves a chosen Jack and Rose, seen being Jack and Rose here. Seniors dress up as first-class passengers, juniors as second-class, and newly minted Ivy sophomores as third-class passengers. Because if there’s anything Princeton loves, it’s clearly defined class statuses.

Columbia, where correlation equals causation

The administrative heroes over at Columbia decided that the best way to solve the university’s major sexual assault crisis and amend for their general mishandling of assault cases is to cancel a school-wide concert. Most publicly-reacting students have recognized this as yet another misguided move, and likely part of the school’s continuing War on Fun. The concert was supposed to be held this fall and artists were already secured; now the school has to pay the unnamed artists $55,000 for nothing.

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Dartmouth Sorority Sister Wants to Pack Heat


A Dartmouth student is creating national headlines by claiming that she will have to drop out unless she is allowed to carry a gun to protect herself from a stalker.

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Fly Wine

Taking a break from the world’s most pretentious rivalry, the Yale Club of Boston hosted a summer networking party at Harvard’s Fly Club. An extensive wine list from a February 2013 dinner was found in the house, with drinks ranging from a $600 Bordeaux to a $38 Sauterne–for the few poor members who have to live in the real world.

If you’re devastated that you missed the chance to network, fear not! Yale Boston holds its weekly Alumni softball game, every Friday.

Wine list after the jump

Why Was Katy Perry at the Harvard Lampoon?

Human cupcake Katy Perry hung out at the Harvard Lampoon castle on Saturday night:

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The guy in the $10,000 suit plays the viola

In the July 28th issue of the New Yorker we were treated to the story of the Carpenter family, described by Rebecca Mead as “imagined into being by Wes Anderson.” Sean, Lauren, and David Carpenter all attended Princeton on financial aid, but are now living the life posing as Stradivari asset managers to promote their musical careers. We think? It seems they just wanted the opportunity to play these extraordinary instruments so badly they cracked the financial market for them.

Sean and Lauren both served as concertmaster at Princeton while David only played in the orchestra briefly, choosing instead to follow the spotlight as a soloist. The siblings “have a disconcerting habit of referring to themselves in the first-person plural,” are all unmarried (“We just haven’t met the right person yet”), and now live together in a two-bedroom apartment at the Plaza. Their mother often sleeps over.

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#tbt Here’s What Weed Cost 40 Years Ago in the Ivy League

Student journalism and service journalism have long been one in the same. Today’s case in point is the Yale Daily News (where, disclosure, I sometimes write and used to edit), which covered the marijuana beat fastidiously during the 70s—long before the New York Times said pot was cool. Back in 1971, the YDN went so far as to publish a front-page report on marijuana prices across the Ivy League, the perfect candidate for a Thursday throwback.

The 1971 report was a high point in the paper’s remarkably extensive coverage of campus weed prices (not to mention weed scandals) throughout the decade. Archived materials from the YDN and other campus papers provide a detailed–and often very amusing–account of Ivy League drug use at a time when Clinton did not inhale and not all of the schools allowed women.

So how did the entitled little shits of 1971 take their drugs? Cheaply, frequently and publicly, in short. We pored over back issues of Ivy League student papers to capture and create, for fun and posterity alike, a definitive guide to getting high during the Nixon administration, starting with costs and moving outward to campus culture:

Join us on this journey

Herbal remedies abound at Cornell’s Sage Chapel

“Every non-sage is mad” – Cicero 

A “bizarre…incident” took place last week that proved at least some Cornell kids are on the search for higher knowledge this summer. On July 22nd, The Ithaca Voice reported that a marijuana pipe was found on campus by a custodian (or, as the police report phrased it, “drug paraphernalia”) (yes, they sent a Cornell police officer to investigate an abandoned pipe). The newsworthy–and hilarious–part of the story lies where the offending item was found: Cornell’s Sage Chapel. Given the evidence, we really can’t be sure that the kids weren’t just burning some incense in a linguistically appropriate location.

Janelle Hanson, an official with Cornell United Religious Workers, claims the incident is the first of its kind that she’s seen in her three years overseeing the chapel. She also expressed mystification as to how or why the pipe could have ended up there, and conjectured that “maybe they were just walking by and accidentally set it down when they were praying,” a response that makes us wonder if everyone’s trolling everyone here.

A Cornell police report deemed the case “closed,” which we feel was a sage decision on the part of the university. There should never be shame in communing with a higher power, especially in the search for some sage wisdom. We congratulate the unknown students for finding a far more ingenious place to search for divine inspiration than the tired rooftop/park/hotboxed dorm room. Who says you can’t reach new highs and execute clever wordplay? Although if they’d been smoking salvia, we’d be on a whole new plane of pun.

Sage has been used throughout history for warding off evil, snake bites, and increasing women’s fertility. It has also been lauded for its healing properties since the Middle Ages. The herb was sometimes referred to as “S. salvatrix,” or sage the savior.

Random facts about sage via Wikipedia

 

Yale Students Are Their Own Helicopter Parents

We’re about a month away from the official move-in date for the Yale College Class of 2018 and many of them are sitting at home pondering deep questions like “how big will my room be?” and “will I make friends?” Entering college is apparently the most terrifying experiencing one can go through—and Yale’s official guide for incoming students is no longer enough. Yale18 has all the answers you never needed and should not be looking for under any circumstances. Created by two members of the Class of 2017 and one from 2018 (what are you doing you haven’t even arrived on campus yet), Yale18 is basically a compilation of past “guides to freshman year,” an absurd Google Doc template to figure out where each one of your roommates is traveling from, and some links to free shit.

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